This post is going to be a little bit of a rant/rambling thoughts kinda thing. So consider yourself warned. But I really have to get this off my chest, and perhaps I am able to get some advice from like minded people.
When I was younger, I was very much a “go with the flow” type of person. If plans changed, it was ok. I was ok!!! But I’ve realized more and more, that when things don’t go according to plan, I’m not taking it as easily as I used to. Perhaps it’s because I have more responsibilities as an adult, but whatever the reason is, I really don’t take it well. I get agitated!
And whilst some might say, well that’s normal and it’s ok. I’m not quite sure it is. For example, if person A was supposed to do a task, and something happened ( for example he/she got sick) which requires me to change around my plans, my first reaction in the past would have been “Shame! Get well soon!”. Now my first reaction is “Crap, now I have to cancel and rearrange stuff!”. I don’t think this is good.
Now a little more background info on me. Not only was I a person who would “go with the flow”, but I was also what some people like to call a “door mat!” I did anything and everything for everyone, went out of my way to do favors not expecting anything in return but also to the point where I was neglecting my own needs. And ofcourse, there will always be people who take advantage of those kind of people. Somehow I grew up with the thought that thinking of yourself or putting yourself first is a selfish thing. I still struggle with that as it is a deeply ingrained characteristic of mine. But, I think I am getting more selective in choosing the people who are worth that type of effort….it’s a journey. In any case, my point is that perhaps in trying to squash that…instinct?…of mine, perhaps I have gone too far the other way.
Do I need to find a balance? Or am I doing ok and I’m over reacting?…or do I need to put myself in more predictable surroundings ;). Or should I stop making plans to avoid the stress of plans going wrong?! Would love to hear back from you all!
’till next time